Living life with conviction

As an entrepreneur, who was very ambitious, I have had many ups and downs.If I analyse today, why those have happened, it can be summarised.Primarily the failures happened because of the following reasons:

1.The passion outweighed reality.

2.Taking people on face value.

3.Trying to be uncompromising on right or wrong issues.

4.Disproportionate growth expectations.

5.Throwing the cap in the air, and trying to reach it.The gap kills you.

Ironically enough,success happened, precisely for the same reasons,as the failures.Its a very thin line.But peer pressures also affected me.That should not have.

Today, as I look back, I have only gratitude,nothing else.The same shy guy,who was hesitant to get up and ask,is the guy, who is known to be brash,aggressive,extrovert, full of dash,is a serious contradiction.Perhaps a contradiction between what you are, what you became, and what you wanted to be.

But I still feel, its been an exciting journey.I am happy in my own way, to have significantly contributed to the society.Happy that, I did not bow down to extraneous pressures,and to the system.Happy that, I could keep pursuing my passion, in spite of all my struggles.

So,when you look back, you see a lot of small hills, a few hillocks, may be a few mountains, and also troughs,around,but I do not forget to see the stream which keeps flowing beneath me, all the time.it is cool, calm, quiet, and serene.It keeps bringing me back to sanity, and remind me of all the things, I still need to do,for people who love me,who stood by me, and for people who are less privileged than me, and where I can discover my healing factor,as I pass through.

Today I do not feel any compulsion to do anything, which I dont want to do.I want to be ,me,and not become anyone.This traverse is endless,smooth, and feels good.

Someday, all the things I contributed, built,and developed; all the values I imparted; all the honesty of purpose I demonstrated, may be, will come about to help a lot of people.I simply have no control on that. I wish that happens,though.

However,what I do have control on, is how I would lead my life,from now on.

That is where I am totally focused on.

Meditating at Bali

This was something I was waiting for.I have always experimented with myself.Always tried to discover and do things which I have never done in my life.It gives me a high.For quite some time now,I have been really wanting to spend more hours with myself.There was a certain kind of pull,within me.But i was not getting there.So, last November, I went to Bangalore for a retreat in the Sri Sri RaviShankar's ashram.it was a 5 day basic course,as they call it.I was not pulled by anything.I was simply trying to know myself a little more.It was good.

I met Guruji,and he told me,do the Advanced course, and try and live in this environment more, if you want to.Thats all.

So, this time,when the opportunity came,I grabbed it.

We were in Bali for 6 days,for this advance meditation course.Out of the 6 days,3 days ,we were in total silence.That was mind boggling.This is something I did not know at all.My son,Romit,has spent 11 days in total solitude,and in silence.My respect for him, went up,many times, after he did that.he also came back, a much cooler guy.but me, in total silence,not looking at anyone, not touching anyone,and just being in the environment with yourself.

All through the day, there were many things to do,as a part of the course.They were all done together.600 of us.it began with yoga at 5.30am in the morning, and ended with Satsang,till 10pm in the night.During the course, you are totally involved in the process.

This whole experience was huge for me.There was a lot of serenity around.Lots of breathing exercises.The whole essence is to breathe in, thats the first thing you do, after you are born, and breathe out, which is the last thing you will do.There are so many ways to conserve energy, and then deploy it meaning fully, so that, you are fresh all the time.

i met some very interesting people.All of them, were in a happy mood.relaxed.Surrenderred them selves to the guru,and living a happy life, with minimum expectations from anyone.

The period in silence, initially was a little tough,for sometime, but then, i did not need to talk.it was wonderful.So much of energy conserved.Felt good within.I did not even feel like talking,at all. it was so much better,to be in silence.

I really enjoyed this experience.I am happy i could do it.Given an opportunity,i will do it again.

I was telling my son yesterday,that these days,I feel so much of peace in the system.i am also doing half an hour of meditation everyday, and that keeps me cool,within myself, and energised for the day.

I am happy today. 

My Vizag days....

I have very fond memories of Vizag.That was almost my first job.I say almost. as i did have one before that, not much to talk about,but IOL,Vizag, was the one which shaped me.

I landed up in Vizag, with a trunk and a bedding, did not know anything about the place,all of 22 years of age,naive,innocent, not knowing much, and to discover,what I could do at work.

The language,Telegu, was greek to me.But I wanted to rent a place, and went about seeing the places around my office.Very soon, I started my life, there.

This was a very eventful period in my  life.I was alone initially,then my mother joined me.My Dad was with my elder brother.Within 1 year,I borrowed Rs.2500,from my Dad, to buy a second hand lambretta scooter, which used to start after 7 kicks, and fail, very often.I also did not have enough money to buy, more than 2 litres of petrol at a time,so used to run out of petrol,very often.

I had a great boss.Mr.Balagopalan. I have learnt so much from him including,how you can be a perfect gentleman, and command respect.He was fairly young, and we together started our work in Vizag.

I was given a company jeep to drive,and use.Within 3 years,It became  quite easy to lead my life.

I bought a mobike, this time a new one.Had lots of friends, boys and girls, attended lots of parties,did well at work, and life was on.

One of my close friends,Sohan, had a restaurant called Pink Elephant,and we used to all assemble at the restaurant in the evening,for our evening session.I had a "khata" system, that means,I pay monthly, after getting my salary,and the restaurant had a bar license.

I used almost eat every day there.There was a Bong cook who used to cook for me, special dishes,and it was all great fun.

Then suddenly, I had Amoebaosis .Very severe attack.I was 25 years old, that time.My parents came over, and the doc said,you need timely home cooked food,no cigarettes, and alcohol,and relaxed life.

That was the time, it dawned on me, if this is where I have reached,in my life,I should consider getting married and settle down.No one,including my mother was prepared to accept,that, I was open for an arranged marriage.They said, its fine,but who is the girl?Let us talk to her parents.

I told them ,there are so many of them,that you will lose count, you might as well do it yourself,and get one for me.

During that time, I had developed a relationship with Deepak,who used to sell Kusum Products

in Andhra Pradesh,as an Area Manager.Deepak,in one of his trips, brought his wife, Noton,along.

We hit it off, very well,as friends.Noton, then, started talking about getting a good girl for me,to marry.

That is how things started,rest is history.It is a very compelling period, so I would write it separately, some other time.

But Vizag, with its beaches,friends, mobikes, and bachelor hood, was a great period in my life.

I thoroughly enjoyed it.

 

15,Tagore Park

Tagore Park has many fond memories with me.I was between 9 years and 13 years,when we were there.My Dad was in the peak of his career, a very hardworking, conscientious person,and was very involved with his work.My mother, who in any case, is/was the most accomplished lady, I have met in my life, was immaculate, graceful, and social.She had this charm in her,that all his brother's friends, like khokon mama,rathin mama, nemai mama,they used to after work come to meet her, and enjoy her company.She used to cook for them,etc.She was the most popular "didi".

She was also active in Mahila Samity,where she was the President.She was very strict with us, in terms of doing our studies,but used to encourage us a lot in extracurricular activities.

I was very keen on sports,always.

She also used to love seeing movies.The good thing was, she always travelled to movies in a taxi,that was a big bonus for us,as my Dad, would never take a taxi,ever, and wanted all of us, to travel in a bus,always.After movies, the buses were always very crowded.

15,Tagore Park, was artist Mukul Dey's house, bought over along with a parcel of land, by the Government of India.My dad got this huge bungalow as an allotment for him.It was a huge house, with playgrounds,lawns,two outhouses,and a summer cottage shaped building, with big rooms,a huge veranda, etc.etc.

The good thing was, there was enough space to play cricket, which I loved.

We had a whole enclosure for support staff, and Bahadur with his wife, used to stay there, apart from other domestic help people.

Bahadur's job was to look after me.He used to take me to school, bring me back,help me with my games,etc.I still remember his face.A very nice guy.

Every year in 15.Tagore Park, we used to have many parties and get togethers.My mother was great at those.Once we had a huge picnic for all writers, composers, literary people, very famous those days,and they spend a entire day with us.There were about 60/70 of them.They were all, my Dad's friends.My Dad was very attached to children's literature,and he used write poems for children, which were extremely well written.He was a natural,and an extremely talented person.

Then, my famous Mama Bari,which we were very attached to, used to assemble at least once in a year,for a get together,and picnic.Over 100 of them.We used to have a huge photo session in the afternoon, and that used to go into the albums.

My neighbours in 15,Tagore Park, were,Rana,Raja,Debu,Anjan,Barsha,Khokon,and they all used to stay very close by.Debu's dad,was a very senior business person, very serious, had a driver, car, and looked always very serious.He used to wear a gown ,when at home.I was a little bit in awe of him.I thought, he must be a huge "boro lok",with lots of money.

Rana/Raja's Dad,was  great fun.He was very loving,and was very keen on sports.He used to play with us on Sundays.Both his sons,were good in sports.I remember he had long nails.I did not understand why.

Anjan was a little older than us, but was a leader.We used to listen to him.He used to stay close to the main road.Khokon/Barsha,were brother and sister, and their mother was a very charming lady,but gave us a feeling,of being a little too well off.So, we were a little scared of them.But she was otherwise, a very pleasant lady.Barsha was the only girl in the group.Everybody fell for her.She was petite,good looking,and smart.We felt, she could be a little too good for all of us.She used to give attention to me and Debu,a little more than others, but never got to find out more from her,about her feelings.

All these friends of mine, are lost today.At times, when I pass through South City,which was were Jay Engineering was earlier, and the entry of 15,Tagore Park, was a road opposite to where the wall of Jay Engineering started.At times, I feel,I will get down from the car, walk around that place, and may be,I will suddenly meet one of them.

I still see the Jewellery shop,on the road, where my mother used to go,Sarat Jewellery Works,it is still there.I thought, one day,I will go and ask them.But I have never done that.

They must have heard about me,but whether they have been able to place me,I don't know.

By writing this note about 15,Tagore Park,I am going back to those days of joy and having an opportunity to acknowledge people, who played a role in my life.This is my way of expressing my gratitude to them.   

Ankur

I remember very clearly, it was class nine for me, in Andrews School,which is a co-ed school in South Kolkata,where in our Bengali teacher Mr. Kar,decided to direct a Bengali play called ANKUR,for our School Annual day.I was selected to play the lead role in that play.This role was of a boy who is a spoiled guy, bad in studies,and how he transforms himself,with the guidance of a good teacher, into a transformed individual.
There were some 6 scenes in the play.There was a scene,where I stole a pen from a fellow student's desk,etc.
What happened was, as I went through the play, and at the end of every scene,there were announcement getting made in the microphone to say, that, some one in the audience has offered a gold medal to me, being impressed with my acting.I received 5 gold medals that day, for my acting.Everyone felt ,I was outstanding.I did not realise it.But felt good.All the girls in the class,were very impressed with me.They immediately wanted to become friends with me, as over night I became a hero in the school.Adulation always makes you feel good, no matter what age you are.I was very young.It really good.
It was one of the memorable incidents in that age for me.Perhaps, after that incident, my relationships, in general with girls improved significantly.I was a lot more relaxed with girls after that.This carried on to my IIT days,and even later.
One does not really know, what incident influences what in your life.But, it is interesting to investigate those moments and think about them today.
Thank you, Ankur.

Being Original

Why are you the way you are? What made you, what you are? What happenned ?

When you see people around,you might feel, I am not like that, or,this.I cannot do that or, this,etc.etc.

You may also feel, you know what,I am like this or that.He he.. he..

Either way, I think, as we grow in life, we try and form ourselves, from what we see,learn, are told, develop, and perhaps a bit of genes, as well.So, the environment of growth is very important.Like for example,I am a born left hander.I used to eat with my left hand, when I was young.For some reason, I used to feel very shy,whenever we went to an invitation,or something like that.As I sat through a biye bari,everyone used to look at me, eating with my left hand.Some used to say, "E ma,ba hathe khao bujhi?".Then my mum used to give a lot of explanations etc.I told my Mum,that I willl not go to any celebrations,ever.

We were all going round in circles, but not trying to solve the issue.Doctors told my mum,if you

push it very hard, he might land up with some other issue, like stammering etc.,so, nothing moved.

Till one day,we went to one of my Mama's house for lunch in Batanagar.He was a very senior person in Batas.We sat down for lunch, and my Mum promptly made an announcement,loud and clear.

"Bikram kintoo, ba hathe khae".She did not want to face the embarassment later, and came upfront with it.

My Mama,the host, turned around, and said"I knew Bikram,is a bright boy, but I did not know, he had this added qualification.Wow, thats great.He is really special."

That day, my life changed.I was no longer apologetic, about eating with my left hand any more.Also a year later, when my father got transferred to Delhi,I on my own, starting eating with fork and spoon, with my right hand, and the change over happenned, without any fuss,ever.

I continued, to bowl left arm spin, and write with my left hand, which were considered, stylish to say the least.

This is life.It all depends, what you make of it.How you look at yourself.What you want to do with it.Your envorinment might not have had the occassion to give you a few things in exposure, but be always willing to learn,pick up, and have huge faith in your own ability.You can make a difference.Never worry to test your own instincts and creativitiy all the time.

I learnt swiming very very late in life.So what? I did not have the opportunity to learn when I was young.My father was not a member of a swiming club, or, neither did we have a "pukur" in our "gramer bari".But when my son wanted to learn, and he had a heart disorder,I promised him, I will learn with him.So,I did.

This is what we make ourselves in our life.

Our life is what we make it to be.

Suddenly................

Is this what normally happens ? I really do not know.May 20th.,I wrote my last blog.Something in me, told me,that I should start opening up in a different way.But again, I stopped.
But suddenly,again ..........
Here I am.
So, I want to make this ,as a prelude to my this innings, of writing blogs.I was in Guwahati, gone on a demi official visit,on saturday,Sept.27th.,and was sitting in the circuit house, just on the bank of river Brahmaputra,with a soft drizzle engulfing me,and also a cool breeze.
Then suddenly...............
My inspiration to write this blog came back.I thought, yes,I must.I think I write pretty OK,and I have enough to say. I got connected.
All of us get these instincts,or, connects, in life, which makes your energies trigger.It simply makes you a little more excited, a little more energised, a little more,of everything........
Once that happens, you start coming out in a flow,of your own being.Are you still conscious of the scoial aspects of stuff?May be you are, but you are still connected to yourself.
So many things are inside us.Some come out, most dont.I dont know, may be writing blogs, if I continue to have the energy to keep writing, might bring out many of those things which are deep inside, who knows.
Lets see.
As I said,this was only a prelude,to my "why".
Watch out for my next.

My school days

These days, I at times, during my morning walks, try to recall my school days.Try and recall, my friends those days.Try and remember them.But at times, it comes to me very vague. There has been so much of data on top, that it requires a little bit of cleaning to do.
I do remember a few things though. I remember how, a shy person like me,(yes, I was a pretty shy person, in those days),got into limelight in school in Class 9,with one specific incident which happened.
During the Annual day celebrations in school,we did a play called ANKUR.This was directed by our Bengali Teacher,Mr.Kar.I remember him as a good teacher.He used to come to school in his dhoti and shirt, wearing specs,slim,tall, and very pleasant person.He chose me to play the lead role in the play,which was of a spoiled kid,bad in his studies,stealing things etc.,and how he gets transformed through good counselling of a good teacher.That was the story. I must have done really well, as after every scene, there were announcements of people in the audience promising a "gold medal" to me, being impressed by my acting.It did not register that time.But, theatre was in my blood.I was always involved in school dramatics team,and always played the main role.I used to enjoy that.
I always liked people, who had done well,or, have been successful,in life,I always wanted to know more about them.I used to dream, and aspire what is it that I should do, to become like them.How dd they do that?etc.
Andrews School, in Selimpur,in Kolkata, was a coed school.So, while there were many girls in our school, and some of them very beautiful,I was always spending time, with my seniors in school.During tiffin time, during rest periods, or any such thing, I used to enjoy be with seniors, boys, and girls, and I was lucky to receive a lot of care and love from them.Some of them, stood out, and had a very strong impression in my life.But later when I have approached them,a few years later, they have all either vanished, or, not,particularly interested, as they have moved on with their lives.I do want them to know, that they did influence me, in those early days of mine.I was constantly seeking role models to emulate.
Class 10th. and 11th. ,was in Durgapur.That was a little more matured stage.My dad used to work in CMERI,Durgapur,where he was the head of Admin, as a Joint Secretary,those days.
Encouraged by my dad, and also mum, we used to do a lot theatres in the colony.All kind of functions, like Rabindra Jayanti,Nazrul Jayanti, Annual day,Puja days,always there were plays.The entire family was involved, in acting, directing, staging, organising, the whole function.
I learnt debating and recitation from my father.He was very good at it.He was also brilliant in caricatures.But, that did not come into me.He was a poet, writer, composer,and an exceptionally talented person.He always encouraged us in these activities.My elder brother, writes very good poetry.I think, if he would have pursued his talent, he could have been a very well known poet, such is his talent.
While doing well in studies was a given,it was never pushed.My mother used to say, it is like smoking.You should know studying is good for you, as smoking is bad for you.We are only here to make you aware of that, continuously,for a while.If you realise it, you will start studying, as you will stop smoking.
Getting into a good Institute was always key to success.Your opportunities open up.But this phase of my life, was full of extracurricular activities.It was great fun,as I look back fondly.It i also a remembrance, how important a role your parents play on your development.Totally selfless, committed, enduring, compassionate.
Its a great feeling.

Its been years.....

For such a long time,in my life,travel has become an integral part of me.I remember those days, in 1980s,when I used to take the first flight out,and the last flight in.There hasnt so far been any time, when I have gone back home, from airport.Its always been office.In the HCL days,I remember,we had huge travel.When we started PCL,in 1987,I was sent to set up the Mumbai office.My kids were very small, those days.We used to live in CR Park, in Delhi.I used to leave for Mumbai by the 6am flight on monday morning, and return to Delhi, by the 8pm flight on friday evening,from Mumbai. Every week.I did that for about 18 months.Every time, I used to sit in the taxi at Nariman Point,to reach the airport, I used to tell myself, "this time,I will most certainly miss the flight".But I never did.In the taxi, I always had colleagues, customers,partners, prospective candidates,to talk to,as I drove towards the airport.Never a dull moment.Very activity driven.
Suddenly,when I reached Chennai yesterday eve. from Mumbai, I was thinking about those days.Tomorrow,I have to catch a flight,with a departure time at 5.50am from Chennai to Kolkata,so that I do not miss out on my first meeting at Kolkata.
Life never seems to change.

Welcome to my Blog!

Hello Friends,
For quite a while, I have been thinking of starting my own blog, so that,all of you,who want to connect with me,can do so.Today, I just got on to my computer, and said,here I go.What I will do from now, is to write all what I want to, for all my audiences, and you can feel free to connect,with me. My updates,. will thus be mostly on weekends,so that, you also get some time to read,and share.
Once again, welcome to my blog.Let us connect,or shall we say, Konnect.
Warm wishes,
BDG