Living life with conviction

As an entrepreneur, who was very ambitious, I have had many ups and downs.If I analyse today, why those have happened, it can be summarised.Primarily the failures happened because of the following reasons:

1.The passion outweighed reality.

2.Taking people on face value.

3.Trying to be uncompromising on right or wrong issues.

4.Disproportionate growth expectations.

5.Throwing the cap in the air, and trying to reach it.The gap kills you.

Ironically enough,success happened, precisely for the same reasons,as the failures.Its a very thin line.But peer pressures also affected me.That should not have.

Today, as I look back, I have only gratitude,nothing else.The same shy guy,who was hesitant to get up and ask,is the guy, who is known to be brash,aggressive,extrovert, full of dash,is a serious contradiction.Perhaps a contradiction between what you are, what you became, and what you wanted to be.

But I still feel, its been an exciting journey.I am happy in my own way, to have significantly contributed to the society.Happy that, I did not bow down to extraneous pressures,and to the system.Happy that, I could keep pursuing my passion, in spite of all my struggles.

So,when you look back, you see a lot of small hills, a few hillocks, may be a few mountains, and also troughs,around,but I do not forget to see the stream which keeps flowing beneath me, all the time.it is cool, calm, quiet, and serene.It keeps bringing me back to sanity, and remind me of all the things, I still need to do,for people who love me,who stood by me, and for people who are less privileged than me, and where I can discover my healing factor,as I pass through.

Today I do not feel any compulsion to do anything, which I dont want to do.I want to be ,me,and not become anyone.This traverse is endless,smooth, and feels good.

Someday, all the things I contributed, built,and developed; all the values I imparted; all the honesty of purpose I demonstrated, may be, will come about to help a lot of people.I simply have no control on that. I wish that happens,though.

However,what I do have control on, is how I would lead my life,from now on.

That is where I am totally focused on.

Meditating at Bali

This was something I was waiting for.I have always experimented with myself.Always tried to discover and do things which I have never done in my life.It gives me a high.For quite some time now,I have been really wanting to spend more hours with myself.There was a certain kind of pull,within me.But i was not getting there.So, last November, I went to Bangalore for a retreat in the Sri Sri RaviShankar's ashram.it was a 5 day basic course,as they call it.I was not pulled by anything.I was simply trying to know myself a little more.It was good.

I met Guruji,and he told me,do the Advanced course, and try and live in this environment more, if you want to.Thats all.

So, this time,when the opportunity came,I grabbed it.

We were in Bali for 6 days,for this advance meditation course.Out of the 6 days,3 days ,we were in total silence.That was mind boggling.This is something I did not know at all.My son,Romit,has spent 11 days in total solitude,and in silence.My respect for him, went up,many times, after he did that.he also came back, a much cooler guy.but me, in total silence,not looking at anyone, not touching anyone,and just being in the environment with yourself.

All through the day, there were many things to do,as a part of the course.They were all done together.600 of us.it began with yoga at 5.30am in the morning, and ended with Satsang,till 10pm in the night.During the course, you are totally involved in the process.

This whole experience was huge for me.There was a lot of serenity around.Lots of breathing exercises.The whole essence is to breathe in, thats the first thing you do, after you are born, and breathe out, which is the last thing you will do.There are so many ways to conserve energy, and then deploy it meaning fully, so that, you are fresh all the time.

i met some very interesting people.All of them, were in a happy mood.relaxed.Surrenderred them selves to the guru,and living a happy life, with minimum expectations from anyone.

The period in silence, initially was a little tough,for sometime, but then, i did not need to talk.it was wonderful.So much of energy conserved.Felt good within.I did not even feel like talking,at all. it was so much better,to be in silence.

I really enjoyed this experience.I am happy i could do it.Given an opportunity,i will do it again.

I was telling my son yesterday,that these days,I feel so much of peace in the system.i am also doing half an hour of meditation everyday, and that keeps me cool,within myself, and energised for the day.

I am happy today.